It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
