I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I think a kid would responsible me up
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
