I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I think my moral compass just broke
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
