i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
