He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
