So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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