i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
