New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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