I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
