they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
