They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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