I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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