Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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