I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just had sex bonerless
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Randomize
