Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
