Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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