ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize