I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
