if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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