Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
