do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I love having hate sex.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
