We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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