JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
