I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
