Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
