I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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