I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
