You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
