There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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