Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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