I hate all girls vehemently.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
