instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
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i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
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He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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