You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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