I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Randomize
