i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
