just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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