I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
