if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
