well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
