I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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