I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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