dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
