Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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