She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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