I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
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i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
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I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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