He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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