where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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