dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
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