so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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