So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Sober January is a disaster.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Randomize
