my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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