worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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