Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
