I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
