I wish I could teleport
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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