Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
