I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
