this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
