my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
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We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
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I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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