Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
porn star boner night. come get it.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
