We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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