she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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