my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize