Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
