Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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