Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
