Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
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i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
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White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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