Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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