One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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