You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
